


Hopscotch

by DrawYourGunsR5



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Haunted House, M/M, Their daughter can speak to the dead, Trick or Treating, although you should because its cute, but you don't need to read that to understand, references to last year's Halloween fic I wrote, so many obvious Corpse Bride references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 05:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrawYourGunsR5/pseuds/DrawYourGunsR5
Summary: Dirk's daughter has special powers. She can do a lot of things that she didn't know were possible. So could Dirk, when he was her age. So naturally, he's terrified that Blackwing is going to come after her. But Blackwing's been quiet for years, and Todd convinced Dirk that it's time to take little Tina out for trick-or-treating for the first time. It's all fun and games, until a ghost tries to steal Dirk's husband away.





	Hopscotch

It was always meant to be weird, wasn’t it? That was how Dirk’s life was. It was weird. If something weird wasn’t happening, something was wrong. So it only made sense that his daughter had holistic abilities, too. What were the chances of him and Todd adopting a _ normal _kid? There’s no normal in their lives.

“We can’t just keep her locked up forever,” Todd argued.

Dirk turned over his shoulder and shot Todd a death glare before turning back to stir the pot of food on the stove. Over the years, he’s definitely gotten better at cooking, thanks to Todd’s teaching.

“Poor choice of words.” Todd hopped off the counter and walked over to Dirk. “If we go with her, she’ll be fine.”

“You don’t _ know _that, Todd. You can’t predict the future.” Dirk turned the stove off. His voice dropped lower. “You know that Halloween is a rough time for me. I just want to keep her safe.”

Todd reached up and ran his fingers through Dirk’s soft brown hair. “I understand that, truly. If I could wrap her up in bubble wrap and hide her from the horrors of the world, I would. But she’s 10 and she’s never been trick-or-treating. All of her friends are talking about their costumes and how excited they are to go out. She can’t relate to them.”

Dirk sighed and leaned into Todd’s hand. “I know. I’m just so scared of losing her.”

“So am I. But Blackwing has been silent for a few years, and we’ll never let her out of our sight. We can even put flashing lights on her costume so we can find her easily in a crowd.”

Dirk chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, I have a question.”

“What?”

“What will our costumes look like?”

The answer was Victor and Emily from The Corpse Bride, Dirk’s favorite movie. It was his favorite for a lot of reasons. It was the first movie he saw when he got out of Blackwing, and when he was lost and alone in the world, it reminded him that there was something good that could come out of it all. He had told Todd that he could relate to Emily, because of her line about forgetting how beautiful the moonlight is after spending so much time in the darkness. And subsequently, it became Todd’s favorite movie as well.

So Dirk dressed as Emily and Todd was Victor. Their daughter had to match, so she was in a black widow costume.

“Daddy, Poppy, let’s go!” Little Tina begged. She was jumping with excitement, unable to be contained.

“Trick-or-treating doesn’t start for another twenty minutes, dear. And I still need to fix your Poppy’s makeup. He seems to have no idea how a corpse is supposed to look.” Todd leaned down to reapply Dirk’s eyeliner.

Dirk drummed his fingers on the side of the seat he was sitting in. “Well the youtube video I watched was not very specific.”

“Dads! Come on!” Tina shouted.

“T, you know Poppy won’t go out in public with his makeup a mess. I’m almost finished.”

She groaned and sat down on the ground in front of the door.

Todd focused on fixing Dirk’s makeup.

“Okay, you’re done and you look gorgeous.”

Dirk stood up and ran his fingers down the lace veil over his shoulders. “Gorgeous? I’m supposed to be dead.”

Todd grabbed Dirk’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “You’re the most beautiful dead bride I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

Dirk blushed. It wasn’t easy to see his cheeks turn pink under the three layers of makeup, but Todd knew. They’ve been married for 13 years, and Dirk still blushes every time Todd calls him beautiful.

“Poppy, you look as dead as can be. Now, candy?”

Dirk turned to Tina. “Actually, honey can you go to your room and find Aunt Mona? I’m sure she won’t want to miss out on this.”

Tina hopped up and ran off to her room.

“I thought Mona wasn’t-”

“I’m scared, Todd.” Dirk interrupted. “I’m genuinely terrified to take her out tonight and I’m trying to stall as much as possible. Please just tell me I’m being crazy.”

Todd squeezed Dirk’s hand. “You’re not crazy. You have a reason to be scared.”

Dirk deflated a little. “That doesn’t help.”

Todd shrugged. “Okay, maybe you are a little crazy, but not for this. It’s normal to have fears, Dirk. That’s just a symptom of being human. And besides, our daughter is a total badass, thanks to Farah. If anyone tries to take her they will be dead so fast the won’t even have time to regret it.”

Dirk smiled. “I guess you’re right. She is pretty badass.”

“She is! So let’s go show off these fantastic costumes the rowdies worked so hard on and have a good fucking time.”

Dirk let out a sigh of relief. It was the first moment since he had agreed to this that he felt at peace. He had been hoping that he’d have a hunch about the situation, he could tell Todd that he _ knew _something bad was going to happen and this could all be forgotten about. But there was no hunch. Just good old-fashioned human anxiety. He knew that nothing would happen to Tina that night. He felt safe.

He leaned forward and kissed Todd softly.

“Dads! That’s so gross!” Tina shouted as she crawled back down the hall.

Todd pulled away from Dirk and looked down at their daughter. “Why are you crawling on your hands and knees?”

“I’m a spider.” She spun in a little circle to show off her eight legs.

Her dads laughed.

“I couldn’t find Aunt Mona. I’ll bring her back some candy so she knows I wanted her to come.” Tina stood up and started walking toward the door.

Todd wanted to tell her that Mona was needed as a folder for Farah and was currently at the office holding onto some very important paperwork for a case. But Dirk gave him that _ don’t throw me under the bus _look and decided against it. “You’re going to need to hide your candy so your Poppy doesn’t steal it all.”

Dirk rolled his eyes. It was true though, he would steal her candy if she didn’t hide it.

Tina dragged them out the door, and soon enough, the three of them were out in the street to begin their Trick-or-Treating adventure. In about an hour, Tina’s bucket was full of candy, and she couldn’t be happier.

She wrapped her arms - all eight of them with her costume - around Dirk. “Thank you for letting me go this year, Poppy!”

Dirk had almost forgotten about his anxieties. After watching his daughter running around in excitement all night, all he could focus on was her.

The truth was, Blackwing hasn’t been active in four years. Farah says they’ve been shut down for good. The last time Ken was seen he was walking into a hotel and never left. Whether it’s true or not, Blackwing wasn’t looking for Dirk or his family. They were safe. For now.

Dirk ruffled her hair. “No reason to let the night end so soon, right? How does dinner sound? Surely, you should eat something before eating all of those sweets.”

Tina jumped with excitement. “Yeah!”

“Think you can convince your dad?”

Tina spun around and wrapped her arms around Todd’s waist. She pulled out her best puppy dog eyes. “Daddy? Please.”

Todd smiled. “No reason why not. There’s an open diner down the street.”

Tina jumped again as they started walking toward the diner.

“Why are you so excited?” Todd laughed.

She shot her fists into the air. “Food!” 

Todd chuckled and turned to Dirk. “She got that from you.”

They walked along the sidewalk, listening to Tina ramble on about all the snacks she’s going to order at the diner. Neither of her dads had the heart to tell her that they probably don’t serve “strawberry glazed pizza pockets stuffed with deep fried Oreos” at _ any _restaurant. There was a little part of Dirk that was disappointed that it was only a figment of a ten-year-old’s mind.

“Hey, what’s that?” Tina stopped her hunger-induced rambling and pointed at a small house across the street.

It looked like it had been on fire multiple times, like a gust of wind would turn it to dust. The windows were shattered, the door was busted in, and a part of the roof was caved in. It looked like the last place a ten year old would want to go. But when that ten year old has the rowdies to look up to, she’s not afraid of anything. 

There was a bright neon sign above the broken door that read_ “Spooky fun for the whole family! Only $15 a person!” _

“Looks like a haunted house,” Todd remarked.

“I have $15! Can we go? Please?!” Tina tugged on Todd’s sleeve as she begged.

“How do you have $15? You’re 10, you don’t have a job.”

“TT gave it to me. Come on! I wanna see a ghost!”

“Sweetie, they’re not real ghosts. Just decoration and actors meant to scare you,” Dirk explained.

Todd gave him a look that was interpreted correctly as, _ You know there will be real ghosts in there if we go in. _ To which Dirk responded with a look that meant, _ Yes. Obviously I know that, Todd. However, if we don’t go in there and deal with these ghosts then they are going to break out and terrorize the city or set the earth on fire and kill us all. Do you want that to happen, Todd? No. No, I don’t think you do. _ And because Todd has known Dirk for longer than he can remember at this point, he understood every word he was trying to say.

Todd looked down at Tina, who was close to getting on her knees to beg. “Okay, let’s go.”

She spun around and cheered with excitement. The three of them walked across the street and entered the small building.

The room they entered was empty, besides the desk to the right of them. It was dark and covered in cobwebs, classic haunted house move.

“Hello?” Dirk called out into the seemingly abandoned house.

Over in the corner, a door creaked open. A short man with a hunchback came sneaking in. He had long white hair that was thinning on top and he wore an all-black suit. He seemed like he should be holding a candelabra.

“Dirk,” Todd leaned in and whispered to his husband. “I think we’ve just walked into Rocky Horror.”

“It’s astounding-” The old man muttered in a gruff voice.

Todd gasped. “Oh shit.”

“-that no one else has made that connection.” The man admitted. His voice was less terrifying as he spoke. “Kids these days have no respect for the classics.”

Todd relaxed. “I don’t think that’s the kind of movie kids should be watching.”

The man shrugged. “Whatever. You here for the haunted house?”

“Yeah! We wanna kick some ghost’s ass!”

Dirk gasped. “Tina!”

“Aunt Amanda taught me all of the bad words last week. She says I’m gonna grow up punk whether you like it or not!”

Todd shrugged. “That sounds like my sister.”

“We have to stop letting her baby-sit!” Dirk whispered to Todd.

“You guys going in or not?” The Not-Riff Raff guy held another door open on the other side of the room.

The trio walked toward the door.

“Doesn’t this cost money?” Dirk asked.

“I don’t work here.” He closed the door behind the trio, leaving them alone inside the attraction.

“Dirk, we’ve been through so much, but I think that was the strangest encounter that’s ever happened in my life.”

Dirk nodded and led his family into the maze.

Tina was nearly shaking with excitement. Fifteen minutes through the maze and not one thing had scared her. But of course, she grew up around Bart, so that was to be expected. Dirk, on the other hand, would jump into Todd’s arms at every noise.

It all seemed to be coming to an end when a gust of cold air came rushing through.

Dirk grabbed Todd’s arm. “Todd, something’s happening. We have to get out of here,” he whispered.

“It’s a haunted house, Dirk. Are sure it’s not just part of it?”

“No. We have to go. Now_ . _” he pleaded.

Todd leaned down to Tina. “Hey Little T, I think it’s time we start heading out. Can you find the door to leave?”

“I don’t wanna go! I’m having fun!”

“Come on. We’re all pretty hungry. Plus, the sooner we get home means the sooner you’ll get to eat all of your candy.”

Tina pointed. “Fine. But only for candy.” She closed her eyes and let her body relax.

Dirk and Todd watched as a little blue light rose out of her chest and flew up to the ceiling and around the room. Within a few seconds the light returned and Tina opened her eyes.

“Follow me.” She led them around a few corners of the maze until they reached a door.

“Does it count as cheating if your daughter astral projects to solve the maze?” Todd wondered.

“Doesn’t matter in an emergency.” Dirk opened the door and was met with a wall of ice cold air.

It didn’t lead to outside, it was just another room of the haunted house. Except that ghost floating in front of them looked _ very _real. 

Dirk tried to grab Todd and Tina and pull them out of the room but the door slammed closed before he could move.

The white figure floated closer to them and they could properly see what this ghost looked like. It was a woman wearing a ratted wedding gown. And she looked… very dead.

She leaned in toward Dirk. “Why do you dress like me?” Her voice sounded as if it could freeze an ocean.

“It’s a costume, I’m the Corpse Bride,” Dirk squeaked.

“You mock me!” Her hand flew forward and a gust of wind shot out toward Dirk. He fell back and into a layer of fog covering the ground.

“You look like a groom,” the ghost said as she flew in a circle around Todd, stopping him from running to Dirk.

He shivered. “Yes. It’s just a costume. It’s from a movie.”

Dirk stood up and adjusted his veil.

“Why are you wearing a dress like my Poppy’s?” Tina spoke up.

“Your poppy thinks he can steal my groom!” Another gust of wind shot out from all around her. It wasn’t as strong as the other, but it was still angry. She grabbed Todd’s wrist and began pulling him deeper into the room.

"Todd!" Dirk jumped forward and tried to grab Todd's arm as he was getting pulled away, but he was out of reach.

She dropped Todd's hand and flew between him and Dirk. "I'm not going to let him be taken from me again!"

"What are you talking about? He's not yours!"

The ghost began flying closer to Dirk but was stopped when Tina jumped in front of her. The ghost lowered herself so she was eye level with Tina. "Why do you stop me, little one?"

"You can't hurt my dads. I won't let you."

Dirk reached out for Tina, trying to pull her back. She pulled her arm out of his hand. She closed her eyes, and again a bright blue light rose out of her chest. This time, the light grew larger and took the shape of her body. The ghost flew up to her.

Dirk rushed over to Todd. They held each other tightly while they watched their daughter with concern. She was always getting herself into these situations, and she was much better at getting out of them than either of her dads were. 

"Who are you?" Tina asked.

"My name is Jenna. I died in this house twelve years ago on my wedding night. Halloween night. Why do you look like me?"

Tina reached her arms out and looked down at them. "I don't know. One day I realized I can make my body do this. I'm still down there." She pointed to where her actual body was still standing on the floor, frozen and lifeless. "What are you going to do to my dad?"

The two of them circled each other. "I died in a fire. My groom said he'd come back for me. And now he is here. All I have to do is bring his with me to the afterlife so we can be together forever."

"You can't kill my dad! He's already married."

"He is here, and he is dressed as my groom."

"It's a Halloween costume. He didn't choose it for you."

Jenna spun around and flew toward Dirk and Todd, ignoring what Tina had to say. She getting close to them, but when she was only inches away, she froze in place. Tina's astral body came flying over. She was holding what looked like a rope, but it was just another blue light shining out of her hands. The roped was wrapped around Jenna's body.

"I told you that you can't kill my dad!" Tina pulled the rope and Jenna lifted up to look at her.

"Why hasn't my groom come for me?"

"Maybe because you keep trying to kill anyone who comes in here," Dirk mumbled.

Tina pushed Jenna down toward the ground. "This is the part in the movie when I would give you a big heroic speech about how you don't need a man to be happy and that you should love yourself. But I'm not going to. I'm not a hero. I'm just a kid trying to protect her dad. So you need to leave."

Jenna struggled in the ropes. She tried to break away, but Tina was holding on too tight.

Tina giggled. A burst of orange light erupted through the room. It burned their eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it arrived. As soon as the orange light was gone, so was Jenna. Tina was back in her own body, she ran over to her dads.

"I did it! I kicked a ghost's ass!"

Her dads pulled her into a tight hug.

"Holy shit, Tina. That was so badass!" Todd exclaimed.

"Todd, stop swearing in front of her. But yes, Tina, that was badass."

Tina laughed. "Can we go get pancakes now?"

Dirk chuckled. "Yes, pancakes sound lovely."


End file.
